Dyslexia for the common man

We have plenty to worry about these days. If you live near Romney, you might be worried about lumpy sidewalks, drinking water contamination from the Marcellus developers, downtown clear-cut deforestation, and a leaky and closed Wellness Center. Worrying on a larger scale,  there’s our dysfunctional federal government which we elected to give us a 14 trillion dollar problem, the heat wave caused by global warming which they say doesn’t really exist because it was just made up by a bunch of scientists with nothing better to do than explain facts, and, of course, the spreading national bedbug infestation.

So, while you’re waiting in the long line of cars for the FOLLOW ME truck to lead you past the freshly applied asphalt, or have become hopelessly trapped on Hwy. 50 by the county fair parade, occupy your brain with less worrisome activities. They say keeping one’s mind busy with challenges might help prevent early dementia. I know of an activity that’s sure to impress your friends when you tell them about it.

All you have to do is switch the first letter of your friends’ (married couples) first names to hear how it sounds. For instance, our friends Peggy and Earl would be Eggy and Pearl, Dick and Inga would be Ick and Dinga.  Others we know are Bathe and Kill, Bee and Lob, Dred and Foris. Don’t you just love the new sounds this makes?  This is because the diphthongs and fricatives have been reversed to create a new lingua franca.

This works for celebrities, too. But, since many of them have been married several times, the names of their spouses might not come to mind. In that case, you just switch first letters of first and last names, e.g., Hob Bope, Back Jenny, Cing Brosby, Bumphrey Hogart, Bucille Lall, Reddy Toosevelt, Beorge Werbert Halker Gush, Wiger Toods, Nichard Rixon and Weorge Gashington––cather of our fountry. The possibilities are endless.

I have to go now.  Binny says there are some men at the front door with white coats and a net who want to talk to me.

 

 

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